I'm a TikTok Lesbian Who's Too Old For TikTok

Written By: Erinn Halasinski

Hi. My name is Erinn, I am 22 years old, and I am a self-diagnosed TikTok lesbian who is too old for Tik Tok. Although I fit many of the qualities of a stereotypical TikTok lesbian, I have discovered after extensive research that this group is just not for me. I would like to share some of my discoveries so that you can both be educated on this new queer space and avoid falling into traps.

What exactly defines a TikTok lesbian? Now that’s a good question. After reaching out to a few queer Tik Tok loving girls (Kiara and Maria) just a tad younger than myself, I think I can paint a pretty good picture:

• “A lot of them post ‘thirst traps’ and then lip syncing or dancing in very stereotypical gay clothes (beanies, hats, flannels, t-shirts over a hoodie, button downs)”
• “Relatable gay content like stories of them when they thought they were straight and the signs that they were gay”
• “The typical Tik Tok lesbian is a young girl between the ages of 14 and 20 who has come to terms with her sexuality at a young age, and uses Tik Tok as a platform to meet other young lesbians. Most lesbian Tik Tok-ers will post videos that are meant to be thirst traps, dances, or pov videos where they’re flirting with another girl”
• “A young attractive girl who is out and wears beanies and flannels and is somewhere between butch and femme”

If I was just two or three years younger, I could easily slide right into this category. Although I’ve never worn a t-shirt over a sweatshirt, I own many beanies, know how to smirk, and can make funny content. I even plan to go live on my instagram soon to give myself an eyebrow cut, which is a look so many of these lesbian TikTok-ers “rock.” I put rock in quotes because I’m not sure that all of them look good.

I downloaded the app toward the end of March and have watched countless lesbian TikToks. Everytime I check out someone’s profile, see they’re 19, and have the lil rainbow flag in their bio, I feel so OLD. What is it about these videos that make me feel 20 years their senior rather than just 3? Why does the age gap between millennials and Gen Z seem so huge?

Just the other day, I was scrolling through a dating app, as one does during #stayhome, and got to chatting with a fellow queer girl whose profile says that she is 20. She is originally from South Africa, and I told her that I liked their rugby team, the Springboks, but that I am also a big New Zealand All Blacks fan. You know, typical queer girl Tinder conversation. She jokingly said that liking the All Blacks was a deal breaker because she was partial to her home team. I replied with “por qué no los dos.” She didn’t understand the reference and goes “hmm see I hate to admit it but I failed Spanish in high school.” Not only is she not fluent in Spanish, but she has never seen the taco commercial. I told her to watch the video and unmatched with her immediately. I didn’t really unmatch with her, that was just a joke. Later on, she said that she lived in Dubai until she was in high school and then moved to the states, so maybe that’s why she’s never seen the commercial. But STILL. I feel like there is a large number of 20&under queers that have not seen it either.

According to Pew Research, anyone born from 1981 to 1996 is a millennial and from 1997 to 2012 is a part of Gen Z. This makes my 1997 mostly lesbian self a …. Gen Z. I feel embarrassed by this but felt it necessary to include so that this article is factual, humbles me by admitting a flaw, and creates space for a counterargument. And to support our friend who is 22 and trying to break into the lesbian TikTok sphere. She’s so brave. This friend is also a part of Gen Z and so far isn’t doing too badly on TikTok. Maybe she just barely made the cutoff into the cool, hip, young lesbian category. Stay tuned to see if she goes viral (@deegeebabyyyyy).

Even though I am a part of Gen Z, maybe my separation with the young queers lies with my undergrad college career being over. Also, Tik Tok is very new to me. I downloaded the app just a few days after getting evacuated from Central America, where I had been living for 7 months. It’s probably fair to suggest that my disconnection with queer girls online comes from a mixture of culture shock and from having lived a very different life than any of the “young” kids recently.

If TikTok had been this big and had this large of a lesbian space when I was 19, would I have become a lesbian Tik Toker? Honestly, I don’t want to know. A lot of them put their Venmos in their bios, so maybe I would say yes…only for the cash money. But would it be worth all the online haters? I’m unsure what that would do to my giant Leo ego.

Of course, I couldn’t be happier for the baby gays to have a space that they can create content in, and even more happy that others can see some kind of representation. Even if this representation is just pov thirst traps of a girl in a beanie winking at you in a video with a filter, it’s a lot more than I remember seeing on Vine back in the day. Being back in the states has been Not Super Fun™ for a handful of reasons, but it’s been cool to hear my youngest sister talk about her queer friends at the dinner table in a way that my closeted ass could never have when I was 16. There’s no longer a token “out” lesbian in our all girls highschool, now you can find heaps of them. And if apps like Tik Tok can help further this acknowledgement and acceptance of differences in sexuality, then I hope the weird beanie smirking videos stay trending.

What did I learn from this experience?
If she doesn’t know what por qué no los dos is from, she’s too young for you bro.

PS. I gave myself an eyebrow cut while live on a Zoom happy hour a few days ago and it looks horrible.